You know I may be a hated loser piece of shit but its moments like this with people you neglect by you're mentality that gives me something to smile and fight for because regardless if I'm working or have a car or a house which I never do noone will ever treat me more then a piece of shit should be treated my actions cost me my children my family and my decisions caused positive people to walk away for good I'm used to seeing you all leave it hurts almost not at all anymore I'm here to use me as you will a mother has nothing to fight for after a dead child and loosing both her other children I don't want to be forgiven or loved I don't want to hate god because he's watching my daughter grow up instead of me I want it over and I'd trade my soul for hers its past hurt and dumb decisions I'm ready for a cell or a grave but to everyone in my life no matter what you loved me and took the time to be there thank you for the memories I'd apologize for hurting you along the way and being selfish and disrespectful but it wouldn't mean anything to any of your mentalitys and I understand I dug my hole I'll lay in it emotionless memories is what will remain I'm not gonna fight to be in your life just to ruin everything positive in it for you I've changed I'll be here please hurt me use me and leave me I'll still stand by you I hate looking in the mirror and seeing myself alive instead of my child and I've ran to everything constantly men drugs crimes none of it is working to numb me anymore and I'll act like I'm fine because I don't even know why a parent should never outlive their child and my heart died with my children I've never been this disrespectful to people who were there for me I'm not apologizing anymore noone apologizes for hurting me good I like it that way I hope god leads you to your positive ending and god bless I'm struggling to even believe there's a god and I can't explain why because its offensive to your beliefs I really wish I could promote my lyrics and get them on CD so you can bury me with my music because that's the only thing keeping me alive besides this memory with these awesome men and the fire in the truck thank you for a good memory and I finally understand what I I'm and why everyone left me behind thank you I learned something today learn everyday because if you stay immature in your mentality you'll not only loose a good women but you'll never grow mentally every mistake is a lesson every memory or person is a lesson to as long as you learn one thing by them leaving your life the tree of life is always the spirits in every soul inanimate or not to continue spreading energy keep spreading positive much love and respect don't worry about me just hurt me emotionally constantly leave me and use me until I'm dry because that's what I'm here for ! mature wedding dresses second marriage