Found circulating on Facebook this morning...
Another funny Christmas joke:
Barbie's Letter to Santa:
Listen you little troll, I've been saving your bacon every year, being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties.
I hate to break it to ya Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it.
These are my demands for Christmas:
Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking the hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your bottom? I don't suppose you do.
Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Heck, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boy Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HELLO?
It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken away once he is anatomically correct.
Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said. A jogging bra. To wear until I get surgery.
A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher don't cut it. I want to make real money.
A new, more hip, modern persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a pint of cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.
No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl complexion.
Mattel stock options. It's been about 50 years - I think I deserve a piece of the action.
Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you you don't like it you can find yourself a new doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.
And now a counter letter
It has come to my attention that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, and some of my fashion choices.
I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of an issue concerning Ms. Barbie, as well as some of my own needs and desires: First, I, along with several of my colleagues, feel Ms. Barbie DOES NOT deserve the preferential treatment she has received over the years. That woman has everything. Neither I, nor Joe, nor The Raggedys, Ann & Andy, have dream houses, Corvettes, dune buggies, evening gowns, and some of us do not even have the ability to change our hairstyle. I have had a limited wardrobe, obviously designed to complement but never upstage Ms. Barbie. My decision to accessorize with an earring was immediately squashed, which I protest, for it was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice. I would like a change in my career to further explore my creative nature. online sale maternity evening party wears
Some options which could be considered are: "Decorator Ken," "Beauty Salon Ken," or "Broadway Ken." Other avenues which could be considered are: "Impersonator Ken" (with wigs and gowns), or "West Hollywood Ken." These would more accurately reflect my interests and, I believe, open up markets that have been under served.
As for Ms. Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I need bendable knees so I can kick the woman to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful in other situations of which you are aware.
In closing, further concessions to the woman, while the needs of others within my coalition are ignored, will result in legal action to be taken by myself and others.